She stared herself down in the mirror before heading to class. There were miles of life behind the young eyes staring back at her. Things some people never see in their whole lifetime.
These were the same things she got lost in everyday.
Deadlines. Feelings. Responsibilities. Friends. Family. Experiences.
They all pile up to mounds as high as a city skyscraper. Looking into her mind was similar to gazing at the Manhattan skyline from Hoboken. Everything seems neat and shiny. Everything seems to have a place and a certain order to it. But inside was a much different story that would frighten anyone who cannot handle the madness of urban living.
Inside is utter chaos that makes her feel small and insignificant. There is too much going on. It is too loud. Everyone and everything is rushing and pressing for an answer that she doesn’t have. And regardless of how she is feeling, the world keeps moving and turing. People move on and rush to something new. In the moment, it is the most overwhelming thing. Lights flashing, horns honking, people running, jumping, screaming, fires burning, food cooking, the world simply turning.
To anyone else, this is how it works. The brain, like a city, is filled to the brim with constant motion and they learn to live inside of it and appreciate it. But for her, it’s a brand new experience. The buildings seem to be crumbling. The streets are cracking. The buses, taxis, bikes, and pedestrians are all crashing into each other. The chaos gets worse with each passing moment.
Here is what she cannot see.
Nothing is actually colliding. She averts her eyes at the final moment because she thinks she knows how it will end, but the bus narrowly misses the biker. The cabs end up turning onto different streets. The people running towards each other were reuniting. The buildings were not crumbling and the rumble in the streets was the subway passing underground.
And this was her brain. She was lost in a city of her own imagination. She couldn’t bear to look for herself, because while searching, there seemed to be disaster everywhere. Disaster she just couldn’t bear to watch.
If she is reading this right now, I need her to look and see that the world is not as much of a mess as she makes it out to be. When you find yourself, you will find that life simply happens. Nothing will crash, nothing will burn. It takes a lot of bravery to turn around and stare down the world, but when you do, you will see that you were there all along. You were never all that lost to begin with.
When you find yourself, you will notice there was nothing to ever worry about. All you have to do is stay in the game, and the game will stay for you. Find yourself.